Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Proven Wrong

I'm reading a wonderful new book, and whenever I read something inspiring, it makes me want to write something inspiring. Unfortunately, there is so much going on in my life that is inspired and inspiring right now, I have no idea where to begin or which amazing new thing to latch onto and try to describe. Then there's the fact that even if I could latch on to one of those things, there is absolutely and completely no possible way that I could even describe the tiniest little piece of it in a way that would do justice to the powerful way that God is working and moving in me.

If I had to sum things up in one sentence, I would just have to say that God is making a point of making me eat my words right now. I have always been a doubter, a questioner, a little bit of a skeptic. Not because I don't want to believe, but probably more because I am prideful and never want to be taken for a fool. I don't want to believe in something that may be silly or not real. So I make a lot of bold, emphatic statements because I think I have it all figured out. "It's not possible to be falling in love with someone after only three dates." "There is never going to be any one person who means all the right things at the time that you need to hear them. You just have to learn to ask for what you want." "Sometimes you have to learn to work with what you have and make it into what you want, instead of waiting to stumble across something that already is exactly what you want. That may never happen."

Sounds wise enough, I suppose. I've definitely sold it well to people. But here's the secret. I don't say those things because I really believe they're true. I say them because something in me hopes against hope that they aren't true, but I'm afraid to admit it, and all the time I'm just waiting around, hoping, but never really expecting, to be proven wrong.

Against all odds, against all explanation, against all logic, I am being proven spectacularly wrong. And in the most delightful way imaginable. God isn't fighting me, beating me down, forcing me to admit to all the flaws in my fallacious arguments. It's more like He's saying, "I have so much more for you. Something so much better. You're afraid to ask for it, but that's okay. I'm going to give it to you anyway. I'm going to hand it to you gently, slowly, patiently, but persistently. There will be no way for you to deny what I am doing for you. There will be no way for you to reject what I'm offering you. There will be no reason to doubt and no room for fear. I'm going to fill you with peace, with trust, with acceptance of this marvelous thing."

Today I'm standing here, awed and grateful, with my head thrown back and my arms spread wide- just trying to take it all in. Thank you! Thank you for your mercy, your grace, your tenderness and consistency with me. Thank you for proving me wrong. Thank you for you insistent love and your stubborn pursuit of me. I love it, and I love You!

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