Monday, September 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
"you were ready to go the distance
but you could not go -
you could not go the near-ness"
When I was in high school, and especially in my freshman year at college, I was a huge fan of the crush-from-a-distance. See, I have an incredibly creative and unstoppably overactive imagination. I invent stories, about the people I meet or even just pass by. Elaborate stories. Detailed stories. Fictional stories so real that it's hard for me not to start believing in them. So I can watch someone from afar for a while and start to feel like I know them. Intimately. Better than they may even know themselves. It happens automatically without my attempting or intending it. It's just part of me, the way I am. Some may see it as a huge flaw in my overall make-up. I happen to love it, as it ensures that my inner musings are almost always generally fantastical and wildly entertaining.
But I must admit there is one draw-back. The persona I end up creating for someone is usually more exciting, more brilliant, more intriguing (and, well, more like me) than the actual person happens to be. And exposing the pretty pictures in my head to a little dose of reality usually equals (for me) crushing disappointment. I have issues - I know - at least I'm aware of it. This disappointment, or the avoidance of it rather, is where the crush-from-a-distance comes in.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Life has been incredibly busy and crazy of late, in ways that I'm not used to. Recent highlights that stick out in my mind:
- Celebrating my wonderful husband's birthday with all of our wonderful friends.
- A lazy 3-day weekend that afforded me time to, not only catch up on some rest, but also actually get some things done around the house as well (usually it's one or the other, I can never seem to manage both in a regular 2-day weekend).
- The sense of accomplishment that comes from knowing I've done a job well. And the relief that comes from knowing it's over!
- The opportunity to enroll in a graduate level literature class at Baylor- for FREE!
I don't really feel like there are specific lows right now. Lately the majority of my days feel like a jumbled haze of busy-ness mashed together with no end. I just feel in general like I'm not living my life well, like holding on by my fingernails is sort of the best I can do right now. And it's hard to be satisfied with that. I want more free-time, and more friend-time and more play-time. I want to take better care of my house and my husband and myself. I've been stretched too thin which leads to being over-emotional and generally exhausted and when all's said and done it's just not a very fun way to live.
Here's hoping the crazy slows down soon.