The Girl I Mean To Be

I need a place where I can go,
where I can whisper what I know,
where I can whisper who I like
and where I go to see them.

I need place to spend the day,
where no one says to go or stay,
where I can make my plans and write them down
so I can read them.

A place where I can bid my heart be still
and it will mind me.
A place where I can go when I am lost
and there I'll find me.

I need a place where I can hide,
where no one sees my life inside,
where I can take my pen and draw
the girl I mean to be.

-"The Girl I Mean To Be"
From the Secret Garden, the musical

When I was in sixth grade I took two, maybe three voice lessons, from a woman who later became one of my best friends. This was the first song that I "learned" to sing. Lately the words have been bouncing around in my head. I don't know how long it's been since I thought about them. I didn't even know that I still remembered all of them. But there they are, encapsulating most of what I've been feeling and thinking lately. The Secret Garden was also the very first musical I ever went to. My mom took me to see it in Dallas, with a friend of hers and her daughter and it captivated and overwhelmed me. Interesting that the song, which was just a fun tune to me then, means so much to me now, and speaks so much to who I am, who I am becoming, and how I am becoming her. Lately I crave silence, stillness and a place of my own in a way that I never have before. It's complicated, but also kind of nice...this process of learning just to be. Just to be who I am. Just to be the girl who I mean to be.